


A Bad Case Of Loving You

by HunnyBear



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Minor Injuries, Smut, So Wrong It's Right, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 05:01:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6181294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HunnyBear/pseuds/HunnyBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarge has the misfortune of taking Caboose to go see Doc after he hits his head on a counter. He wants nothing more than to leave after waiting for almost an hour for Doc to show up, until a different doctor comes in to take care of Caboose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bad Case Of Loving You

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't know how this turned into a smut story. Really, I was planning on it being Teen Rated when I started writing it. Then suddenly everything got all hot and bothered for the characters, clothes were coming off, and now they want to have sex with one another. It just got out of control, what was I supposed to do? Sorry if it's no good, the thing wrote it self, I swear.

This wasn't the way Sage wanted to start his day. It was his own fault really. He made the mistake of visiting Donut's bakery for some coffee and a muffin before getting to the shop. He refused to go to the local Starbucks down the block where they got confused when you ordered a large black coffee. He wasn't willing to do that again, but it seemed a bit more appealing than where he was now. This morning was completely un-ordinary until two minutes after he arrived at Donut's bakery. It didn't help that he was somehow roped into giving Simmons and Grif a ride too. He already worked with them and lived in the same building as them, being stuck in a car with them before his morning coffee was enough to make him want to drive off a cliff.

"Alrighty Sarge, here's your coffee and a cranberry muffin! Please tell your friends to come into Donut's Little Pink Hole for a delicious treat!" Donut recited cheerfully.

"Donut, I told you once and I told you a thousand times, I ain't sayin' that to people!" Sarge said as he took a careful sip from his coffee to make sure Donut didn't try to slip in sugar or a cinnamon stick.

Donut's... nope, not saying it. The establishment Donut owned was kind of a hole in the wall place, but the way he had decorated it made it seem like magic unicorns had puked a river of pink sparkly rainbows everywhere, in a nice way of course. The entire interior was panted several different shades of pink which was complimented by the sparkly white floor tiles and shiny silver counter. When Donut said he was opening a cafe, no one was surprised. He always had a Martha Stewart personality. But instead of calling it something normal like Donut's Bakery or Donut's Cafe, he called it... Donut's Little Pink Hole. No one had said anything when he told them that was what he was naming his place mainly because they thought he was joking, but when they saw it in bright neon lights on opening day, it was a little too late to bring it up. That was a few months ago. He mainly ran it by himself, not making enough money to hire any help. He offered Grif a job in exchange for baked goods, but when trays of muffins and cake pops started to disappear and the kitchen smelled like cigarettes after only a few days, he let him go back to working for Sarge. So for the past few weeks, the three of them made a regular stop in the morning to Donut's shop for coffee and moral support.

"But Saaarge, how will anyone know about my Little Pink Hole of you don't tell them about it?" Donut whined. "People will be lining up like crazy once they hear about my delicious non fat cream puffs."

"I don't think there's gonna be any left by the time Grif is done." Simmons said as he stirred his tea. Grif was in the process of stuffing his fifth cream puff that morning into his mouth when Donut huffed his way down the counter to where they were sitting.

"That's your last cream puff mister! I told you no going over your limit anymore or I'll revoke you discount!" Donut chastised.

Once Grif swallowed his cream puff he said, "Donut, what's the point of a 25% off discount if you don't get to buy as much as you want?!"

"Well when you use that discount to eat me clean, I find myself in quite a sticky predicament afterward." Donut explained.

"Seriously Donut, do you not hear the way say things?" Simmons asked.

Donut ignored him. "So five items a day is your limit Grif. I'm not joking!"

"A day?! That's crazy, it's barely eight o'clock!" Grif yelled.

As they continued their bickering, the door jingled open. Sarge looked over his coffee and saw it was Caboose. The giant gave them a flippy wave and greeted them.

"Hi everybody!" He said.

Donut changed back to his usual happy demeanor. "Good morning Caboose! What can I do for you today?"

"Okay, um, Church gave me a list and told me to give it to you." Caboose pulled out a crumpled paper out of his pocket and a twenty dollar bill and handed it to Donut. "He said to make sure that you only give me the things on the list and not anything I ask for... can we also get some of those puppy cake pops?"

"I don't see why not! Give me a minute to get this together." Donut ran into action while Caboose walked over to Simmons and Grif.

"Hello friends!" He greeted.

"Hey Caboose." Grif and Simmons said without enthusiasm.

"What are you guys up to today?" Caboose asked.

"Well today will consist of Sarge holding in his anger at the customers for the way they treat their cars where he will wait for them to leave so he can take it out on us. Grif will hide to avoid doing real work which I will wind up doing, Lopez will most likely throw his tools at us at some point, and we'll end the day on a high note by kindly killing each other." Simmons said. Caboose nodded his head as he spoke.

"Hey! I work!" Grif interrupted.

"No you don't fat ass!" Simmons disagreed. "Running and hiding from Sarge all day isn't work. Having to do both my job and yours is work!"

"I don't just run from Sarge, I run from Lopez too! 'Sides, you'd take on double the work load anyway if it meant you could kiss Sarge's ass more." Grif criticized.

"Hey! I'm not a kiss ass!" Simmons exclaimed.

"Shut up kiss ass. You're ruining muffin time." Sarge said.

"Sorry sir." Simmons said pathetically.

"Kiss ass." Grif said triumphantly.

Simmons' face turned a bright red. He pushed Grif, and in retaliation, Grif punched Simmons in the arm. Unfortunately, Simmons' body jerked in a way that made his hot tea spill over and onto Caboose's arm. Caboose gave out a loud shriek and fell sideways off his stool. And as if it couldn't get worse, he smacked his head on the counter on the way down. He didn't get back up. Sarge ran to Caboose as Donut ran out from the kitchen to see the mess his friends had caused.

"Guys, WT Fuck! How did this happen?!" Donut shrieked.

"He did it!" Simmons and Grif blamed, pointing at each other.

"Shut up numb nuts!" Sarge hollered. He knelt down by Caboose and gave his cheek a light tap. It didn't stir him. Another light tap to the other side and still nothing. So Sarge slapped Caboose across the face and he finally opened his eyes. Sarge helped him sit up and checked the side of his head that hit the counter.

"Did I fall asleep standing up again?" Caboose asked in a disoriented voice. "Mom always said to fall asleep in bed where I can't hurt myself."

"Um... yes?" Simmons said.

"That's a nasty fall you took there boy." Sarge said as he tried to look Caboose in the eyes.

"Dad? I thought those goats killed you!" Caboose said to Sarge.

"I ain't your dad boy. Can you tell me how many fingers I'm holdin' up?" Sarge asked, holding up three fingers.

"Um... eight fingers?" Caboose asked.

"Yeah, I think that fall rattled his brain. He needs a doctor." Sarge diagnosed as he helped Caboose to his feet.

"C'mon Sarge. We don't even know if Caboose can count!" Grif said.

"I can too! I can do lots of things Simmons! Like..." Caboose's face clenched as if thinking hurt his head.

"Take it easy there Caboose!" Donut said as he ran to get something for his injuries.

"Did he just call me Simmons?" Grif asked.

Donut ran back in and placed a wet cloth on Caboose's arm and gave him a bag of ice. He winced when it was pressed against his head. Donut turned to Grif and Simmons. "Couldn't you dummies not rough house around hot liquids?! His injuries happened on my property, if he sues me I'm done for!"

"Donut, I don't think Caboose even knows what a lawsuit is." Simmons said.

"A law suit is something you were to court!" Caboose yelled and clenched his head again.

"That's close enough for me!" Donut said. "You guys need to take him to go see Doc!"

"Screw that!" Grif said. "It's not my fault Simmons spilled his stupid tea! He should take him to the hospital!"

"Hey, I wouldn't have spilled it if you didn't punch me! You can take him yourself!" Simmons said.

"May I remind everyone that this is technically Donut's establishment and is the only one at risk of a lawsuit! You take him to the hospital!" Grif yelled at Donut.

"I can't leave! There's no one to watch the shop! I could lose business!" Donut replied.

"Uh... is anyone else seeing a bunch of red spots?" Caboose asked as he reached out to touch the imaginary spots.

"Ugh! Sarge, can you take him?" Donut asked. "You've got a car right?"

"I'm not gonna spend my day at a hospital to wait for him to get a damn band aid from Doctor New Age Hippy Freak." Sarge declared.

"Sarge, you drove us here. We couldn't take him even if we wanted to, which we don't!" Grif said.

"Well then how do you plan to get to my shop for work then dirtbag?" Sarge asked.

"I was thinking we could get the day off?" Grif suggested. Simmons smacked him on the back of the head.

"We'll have Donut call Lopez to pick us up. He's the only one of us who can speak Spanish. Not very well but better than us." Simmons answered.

"Puedo besar mi culo!" Donut declared. "That means I can do it in Spanish!"

"See? I have no clue what he said." Simmons said. "Just leave him with Doc and he'll fix him up."

So that's what lead Sarge to where he was now. After a twenty minute drive and two stops to let Caboose puke, he got the to the hospital that Doc worked at. When the receptionist had him fill out some forms, sat them in an empty exam room and told them Doc would be there soon, that was over forty minutes ago. He would've left, but was afraid Caboose would hurt himself again if he were left alone. Then it would be his fault and Doc and Donut would never let him hear the end of it. After letting Caboose rub a jar of cotton balls against his cheek, Doc rushed in.

"Where the hell were you Doc?! I've been here for almost an hour and Caboose is gettin' worse!" Sarge yelled. Caboose opened the jar and tried to eat a hand full of cotton balls. Sarge smacked them out of his hand and took the jar back.

"I'm so sorry Sarge, but I'm only here to tell you someone else will be taking a look at Caboose." Doc replied. "I just got out of a long meeting with the board of directors and they're finally going to let me try my puppet therapy in the pediatric ward today! Isn't that exciting?"

"... I don't even want to know what that means. Where's the other doc? I don't want to be here all day!" Sarge asked.

"She'll be in in about ten minutes. She's new but everyone says she's really nice! He'll be in good hands!" Doc promised as he left. Sarge rubbed his temple at the thought of spending more time with Caboose.

Another twenty minutes passed before someone else came into the room. Sarge heard her voice before he saw her as he was in the middle of trying to get Caboose to spit out some cotton balls he had swiped from the jar.

"Hello Mr. Michael J. Caboose, I'm Doctor Emily Grey, Doctor DuFresne asked me to take a look at you. It says hear you hurt your noggin after a bad fall and got burned by some hot liquids. Sounds like you've had a tough morning!" She said. "Oh, what have we here?"

Sarge turned to look at her and froze. Now, he was no virgin teenager, he had had his fair share of women, not lately, but still. He thought this doctor was what every woman should aspire to look like. She had a honey skin tone which worked well with her striking features. Her cheekbones where naturally blushed, her plump lips a luscious pink hue, and her eyes where somehow a blue violet color. He never liked the color blue, but it was suddenly growing on him. Her long raven hair was pulled back into a braid, letting her grown out bangs curl at her cheeks. She wore a smart purple dress that hugged her generous curves under her white coat, black heels, and a stethoscope around her neck. What pulled it all together where the short rectangular metal rimed glasses she wore. Everything about her said she was a classy lady with good taste. But with Sarge squeezing Caboose's cheeks so he would spit out the cotton balls made him fear they weren't off to a good start so he let go. She gave them a wry smile and walked up to Caboose.

"Mr. Caboose, do you have something in your mouth?" She asked sweetly. Caboose shamefully nodded his head. She held out her hand to him and he spat out a soaked wad of cotton balls. She didn't flinch once as she simply threw the wad into the trash and washed her hands. "And who might you be sir?"

"I'm ah um..." Sarge mumbled, not sure if he should give her his real name or his nickname.

"This is Mr. Red Sargent Father. He's a part time pirate and a part time farmer!" Caboose explained.

"Just Sarge is fine Caboose." Sarge said.

"Oh really?" She gave Sarge a knowing smile. "That's very interesting Mr. Caboose." She pulled out a small flash light from her pocket and shined it in Caboose's eyes. "Do you know where you are right now Mr. Caboose?"

"I'm at the hospital. I come here sometimes when I hurt myself!" Caboose answered proudly.

"That's very good, you should always go to a hospital when you hurt yourself. Can you tell me what day of the week it is?"

"It's Monday, we get donuts today! It's a good day if I get to have some donuts." Caboose said.

"Really, where do you get your donuts?" She asked as she put on her stethoscope to check his heart rate. Sarge clenched up at the answer to this question.

"We get it from my friend's special hole!" Caboose exclaimed. Sarge face palmed himself while the doctor took off her stethoscope.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear very well when I was checking your heart rate. Did you just say you get you donuts from..."

"My very good friend Mr. Cinnamon Buns! He has a hole full of tasty treats! He will give you some if you give him money!"

"Um... Does Mr. Caboose have a history of head injuries Sarge?" Doctor Grey asked.

"Well I wouldn't be surprised if he did. But most of what he said is true... to an extent. There's a guy named after a pastry who runs a cafe in a hole in the wall."

"As long as it's not a figment of his imagination or something illegal, alright! Mr. Caboose, I'm going to run a few tests. And I need you to follow everything I say." She stated.

"Are they going to hurt?" Caboose asked.

"Not at all." Doctor Grey promised.

"Sarge, I'm scared." Caboose whimpered.

"You're gonna be fine Caboose. The lady doc said it won't hurt you." Sarge stated

"Doc used to say that too, but he always hurt me somehow, even when he checked my temperature! Will you hold my hand?" Caboose asked.

Sarge rolled his eyes, but from Caboose's pathetic puppy eyes, he gave up his left hand. He should've thought it through, then he would've remembered Caboose had an odd amount of strength. Caboose squeezed his hand hard over the littlest of things. She gave him a round spoon to put over his eye and pointed to a chart of letters.

"Can you tell me what letter is on top of the chart?" Doctor Grey asked. He gave a tight squeeze.

"Um uh... E?" He said.

"Very good. Can you read the next row of letters?" She asked. With every letter, Sarge's hand got a tight squeeze. By the end of testing both eyes, the doctor pulled out a little orange hammer to test his reflexes. Every tiny hit Caboose held on tighter until Sarge swore his hand would break. He bit the inside of his cheek from giving out an unmanly scream in front of them. After a few more tests, she examined the arm that was burned by Simmons' tea. When she cleaned the burn with cold water and rubbed on some aloe vera then bandaged it, Caboose gave his tightest squeeze and Sarge's knees buckled a bit and he let out a grunt.

"Sweet Mary, I think I heard a bone crack." He groaned. Doctor Grey quickly finished her work and told Caboose it was over.

"You did very well Mr. Caboose. I'm so proud of you. Would you like a lollipop?"

Caboose released Sarge's hand from his death grip and clapped happily. "Why yes, I would like a lollipop!"

She pulled out a jar of multicolored candies from the cabinet along with an cold pack. She let Caboose pick two for being brave, apple and grape. He was occupied with his candy so she turned to Sarge who was focused on his hand.

"Are you alright sir? Can you make a fist?" She asked as she took his hand in hers. Suddenly all that pain felt worth it.

"Uh yeah, I don't think he did too bad a number on me Doc." He said, puffing out his chest a little. But the doctor cracked the cold pack anyway and placed it on the back of his hand. He winced at the sudden chill, so she cradled his hand in her's again.

"That was very good of you. He's lucky that he has you to look out for him." She smiled at him.

"Yeah well, there's at least four other people with that job too, I just happen' to be there when he hit his head." He admitted.

She looked into his green eyes. "Don't sell yourself short, I'm an excellent judge of character. I can tell you've got a good heart." The only sound for the moment was Caboose's happy humming. "So... you're a Sargent?"

"Well technically I was promoted to Colonel before I retired, but 'Sarge' just seemed to stick with me even after." He explained.

"I see. You have very strong hands... and no wedding ring, Colonel?" She asked politely. Okay, Sarge may be a bit rusty at flirting, but even he couldn't miss that signal.

"Heh, nope. Hard to find a good woman these days." He said.

"Well, being a doctor makes it ten times harder for me to find anyone. It's just me and Abraham now."

"And Abraham is..." He asked.

"My 1956 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz Convertible. I rebuilt it myself." She stated. Well great, now he was getting hard just from the way she said that. Was she into vintage cars, or one of those women who gets the vintage cars in the divorce?

"Horsepower?"

"285 hp."

"Mileage?"

"6,337 miles."

"Worth?"

"In the ballpark of $70,000."

"Color?"

She pressed up against him and smelled like lilacs. "Cherry red."

Sarge took in a deep breath, "My God woman, where have you been all my life?" Doctor Grey blushed at this question, still keeping her body close to his. "How 'bout this Doc, you bring old Abraham by my shop and I'll give him a free tune up as a thank you."

"Only if you promise to give me a tune up after." She challenged, placing a hand on his chest. He was going to marry her, without a doubt.

"Can I go home?" Caboose asked.

Doctor Grey turned back to Caboose, cool as a cucumber. "Well, the good news is that it's only a minor concussion and you should be fine if you don't hit your head for a few days. The bad news you're going to be a bit woozy for the next twenty four hours so go buy some over the counter pain medication and make sure you don't do any mentally strenuous activities."

"Um... over the counter?" Caboose asked confused.

"I'll tell his main caretaker that." Sarge said, referring to Caboose's 'best friend' Church. The guy was kind of a dick, but he always had a soft spot for Caboose and would make sure he be okay. Well, as soft as a prickly asshole cactus like him could be.

"Well alright then! You can go home now!" She finished cheerfully. Caboose gave her a smile and started to walk out of the exam room. Sarge grabbed Caboose by the shoulder to stop him and told him to wait in the hall while he and the Doctor went over a few things before they left. Caboose promised he wouldn't move when Sarge shut the door and turned back to Doctor Grey.

She wasted no time and jumped into his arms, knocking the wind out of him. Luckily Sarge stayed in shape with his regular crack of dawn exercise routine and working on cars all day long. He caught her easily and hoisted her tight against him. She crashed her mouth against his for a hungry kiss as he picked up her legs so she could lock them around his waist. His hands hiked up her dress so he could squeeze her ass and felt that under her proper dress and coat she was wearing lace panties. Of course, she could've been wearing a burlap sack under her dress and he would've found her to be just as sexy. She let out a generous moan, slipped her tongue into his mouth and tangled one hand into his gray hair while the other clutched the front of his shirt.

He sat down on the exam table, letting her sit on his lap, and if his erection wasn't obvious to her before it was now. He bit her bottom lip and pulled at it a little, which seemed to rile her up since she ground down onto his hard length. He thought of what it would feel like if he just undid his pants, pushed her panties to the side and rammed himself into her center. How warm and wet she would be, if she would scream out loud or stifle her sounds. Just the thought of her crying out for him as she came made him give a hard thrust upwards to her center. She threw her head back in pleasure and he saw her lips were a rosy pink from their aggressive kissing, so he decided to focus his attention on her neck. His hand massaged her inner thigh, the other hand pressing into the soft flesh of her ass. He placed kisses along her exposed collar bone, the soft peak of her cleavage, and then back up her neck.

As said previously, Sarge was no blushing virgin. He'd had his fair share of women in his life, both proper and promiscuous or sometimes both. He had fucked them in some weird places back when he was young and filled to the brim with fresh hormones. Now he was older, still apparently filled with hormones, but wasn't willing to put in the time it took to find someone to settle down with. The past few years with the occasional fling was fine for him. They were mainly desperate divorced women who came by the shop because their cars were "making a funny sound". It required no commitment, he never saw them again, and it got the job done. Everybody won when he was with them. But none of them were up to par with Doctor Grey, sweet and beautiful Doctor Grey. She could do so much better than him, but for some reason decided to lower her standards for the time being. She sucked on his earlobe and he couldn't help but let out a deep moan. She tugged on his lobe one last time before releasing it and grinned at him with her perfect teeth.

"Hush Colonel, or someone might come in and find us." Despite this claim, she didn't seem all that worried about it.

"Damn them. If I want to take you right here right now, I ain't gonna let anything stop me." He growled.

"As good as that sounds, it will only cost me my medical license and you'll most likely get thrown in jail-" Sarge slipped his fingers between her legs. "But OH GOD it would be so worth it!"

She threw her head back and jutted out her chest, which made him curious as to what was under her dress, but all in good time. His hand slid inside her wet panties as she started to unbuckle his belt when they heard a knock on the door. They both froze but said nothing.

"Um Sarge? There's a man out here looking for Miss Doctor Grey. He said it's urgent." Caboose said through the door.

They both got off the exam table. Doctor Grey slid her dress down to its rightful place and Sarge tried to fix his hair so it wouldn't look like he was in the middle of trying to have sex. The moment of fear did nothing to lower the tent in his pants so he stood behind Doctor Grey to hide it. So much for not letting anything stop them.

"Come in." She said in a professional tone of voice. Another doctor came into the room looking flustered and panicked.

"I am so sorry Emily, you know I would never interrupt you while you were working, but we have an all hands on deck situation at the moment. It seems that Doctor DuFresne's therapy has backfired and now all the children are rioting and causing havoc." Sarge resisted the urge to face palm himself. Of course it was somehow Doc's fault that they were interrupted. "Would you be so kind as to come help us calm them down? They're frightening the other patients and doctors." The doctor pleaded, not seeming to notice what he had interrupted.

"Of course Doctor Doyle, I'll finish up here and meet you in the pediatrics ward." She said cheerfully. He gave her a tired smile and ran out of the room, supposedly back to the rioting children. Doctor Grey thanked Caboose for knocking and closed the door. Guess impromptu sex wasn't on the table anymore, literally. Sarge was trying to find some way to break the silence between them when she spoke up. "Where is your shop Colonel? I'd like to bring Abraham by for that tune up you promised later in the day tomorrow."

Sarge realized what she was saying and quickly pulled out his wallet and handed her his business card that had the name, address, and phone number of his shop on it. "Red Auto Mechanic Shop?" She read.

"Yep, that's my shop." He awkwardly smiled at her. "You sure you still want that tune up?" This would give her an opportunity to back out in case she was actually talking about a real tune up and not what they were doing earlier.

She looked behind herself to make sure the door was still closed before reaching under her dress. His eyes widened when he realized she was pulling down her panties. They were his favorite shade of red, how did he not notice that earlier?! After they were off, she slid her fingers into the front of his jeans and yanked him close against her. She gave him a gentle kiss, slipped her panties into his front pocket and gave his hard on a seductive squeeze. He was sure she was going to be the death of him.

"I'm going to want these back." She whispered against his lips. "Keep them safe for me until I come by your shop for my 'tune up', okay?"

Sarge was dumbfounded but luckily had the good sense to nod his head and she gave him a bright smile. One more innocent kiss and she let him go. But before she left the room she turned back to him and said, "And you can call me Emily, Colonel." He figured the extra swagger in her hips was for his benefit, because he couldn't stop staring at her until she disappeared down the hall. Caboose poked his head into the room and asked Sarge if it was time to leave. This snapped him back to reality and he lead them out of the hospital. Occasionally, he reached into his pocket to feel the panties and make sure he didn't imagine this whole event.

Sweet Jesus, was this really happening?! Did he get it on with a sweet yet seductive doctor in an exam room? This was the stuff cheesy pornography is founded on, or at the very least Donut's weird "It's not erotica, it's literature!" books. And she wanted more, of him! He was living the fantasy of every straight man in America.

After dropping Caboose off at work with a note for Church pinned to his shirt about his injury, he arrived at his shop. Of course, no work was getting done. Grif was eating a large sandwich and using some documents as a plate. Simmons was trying to organize a pile of documents while some how making it more disorganized. And Lopez was in the midst of rooting through his tool box and muttering to himself in Spanish.

Well, if Doctor Grey was coming to his shop for a "tune up", he had to make sure none of these idiots were here to screw it up. Grif and Simmons would scare her away, and Lopez will want to work on her car for as long as he could. He loved vintage cars, almost as much as Sarge did. He had to figure out how to get them to leave for a couple of hours tomorrow without arousing suspicion. Because if they found out what he was planning to do to Doctor Grey in his shop, he would never hear the end of it.

**Author's Note:**

> So apparently even if Doc were a doctor instead of a medic, he still couldn't do anything right. What's gonna happen with Sarge and Grey? Stay tuned for part two.


End file.
